D&D Player Rules For Survival

Game Master!

I received this funny list of player directives from Roleplaying Tips GM Noel and thought it would be a great way to start the week.

We begin first though with some GM screen talk. Noel, I’d love to see pics of your screens sometime!

Hi Johnn,

I know what you mean when you described your heavy, hinged DM screen. I made one from Masonite about 30 years ago. It’s hinged in 3 places so it folds into four sections, with the two centre sections several inches lower than the “wings” so I can see over them. I have bulldog clips at the top to hold pages. I still use it.

I also made a lightweight one for when we visit a friend 150 kms away, using plastic fruit box material. Instead of metal hinges I use duck/mending tape. If I drop this one on my foot I don’t even notice it, whereas the other one would be a major “ouch” and maybe lacerations.

We also have a melee table about 15cm high that sits in front of the screen and prevents it from getting knocked over (by me). On top of that table we have a large foam sandwich craft board measured out in a grid and covered with clear plastic for drawing on. There’s room underneath for players’ books & things.

I’m attaching a list of “players rules” for you. I found them printed on a mug, so they’re probably well-circulated and known to you, but I’ve added two of my own to the end.

D&D Players’ Rules For Survival

  1. Never split the party.
  2. Always check for traps.
  3. Anything is a weapon if you roll high enough.
  4. Don’t get on the boat. The DM has a hoard of nautical nasties he has never been able to use.
  5. For the love of all that’s holy, don’t go in the water.
  6. Or the fog.
  7. Or the dark narrow tunnel.
  8. If something seems too good to be true, it most likely is.
  9. If the DM asks “Are you sure?” DON’T DO IT!
  10. If the item is smarter than you are, it has its own agenda.
  11. Loot EVERYTHING.
  12. Never draw the card from the magical pack.
  13. PROTECT THE HEALER!
  14. Rest. You don’t know what’s out there.
  15. Talk to people. You never know what you don’t know.
  16. The dragon is never your friend.
  17. The skeleton always animates.
  18. Tricky lock? Ask the barbarian to open it for you.
  19. Write that down. You won’t remember it later, but the DM will.
  20. Never plot out loud. God is listening and taking notes.
  21. The DM is god and god is always right. Do not argue with god.
  22. Remember the plot, or god will use it against you.
  23. If the DM asks, “Exactly where is your character standing?” PANIC!
  24. If the DM smiles, be afraid. Be very afraid…

When I show the list to new players they always get a laugh. If they’re smart, they’ll remember some of them.

D&D Forever! (It’s what keeps my friends and I sane!)

-Noel

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Great list, thanks Noel!

RPT GMs, I vote we split the party more often! Haha. Have a great Monday.

Cheers,
Johnn
roleplayingtips.com
https://discord.gg/6MxTRAqQ76
Have more fun at every game!

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